WHO I AM
Is it the loss of my childhood to violence and uprooting the happy life I lived that weighs so much? Or is it the fact that, underneath it all, I long to be 15? I long to be loved.
This monologue is based on a girl I met at the Ulus Refugee Center. I was inspired by her strength as a young woman and her independence. The moment I saw her, I began to imagine what might lie in her future. From this, came the character Shaza. The impact that moving to a new country has on families, particularly teenagers, is reflected in this monologue. Adjusting to new cultures can be a very difficult transition and this young lady reminded me of the courage it takes. The song quoted in this piece, Who I Am by Nick Jonas, is about loneliness that comes with not being loved and the need to make everything better in a hurting world. This song is a personal favorite and the way Shaza relates to the song helps one to understand her innermost thoughts. This piece highlights how refugees are people just like us with everyday feelings and wishes.
Who I Am
I want someone to love me
for who I am
I want someone to need me
is that so bad?
I want to break all the madness
but it’s all i have
i want someone to love me
for who i am.
i’m Shaza.
Shaza from Syria, they call me.
do you know where those lyrics came from?
Who I am, by Nick Jonas.
my family thinks it’s strange that I know all of these western songs and such, even though we happen to have arrived in the US just, what, 2 years ago?
yeah.
i’m Shaza.
oh sorry, i already said that, didn’t I?
you know, i think nick and I have different reasons for loving the words he put to music.
you see, my life is ever-changing and evolving.
i’m not like the girls around here, which is okay.
but sometimes i wonder what it is that bears the most weight in my heavy heart.
is it the fact that my home is war-torn and my family is so spread out with fear that you could mark our locations with a red Sharpie and you would end up with a solid red-filled paper, wondering what made your life resemble blood so much?
or maybe it is the fact that I watched my cousin get taken away, his youth crushed in the whispers of a summer night?
it is not the bruises on my knees that hurt anymore. no, it can’t be. it is the carved-in scars that shower my heart in a darkness that causes me to lose my childhood pains and forces me into the real world where bruised knees are often and unimportant.
time to stop being 15 Shaza. be 30. or 50. or even 70.
that’s how i feel inside, at least.
so is it the loss of my childhood to violence and uprooting the happy life I lived that weighs so much?
or is it the fact that, underneath it all, in the most tender of places, i long to be 15. i long to be loved. my family doesn’t have time to love me and trust me, i get it. I mean, leaving pain and coming to new forms of pain, well that is hard and time-consuming.
but you see, Nick. i just want someone to love me and need me and i definitely want to break the sadness and anger of this world but it consumes me too Nick!
you’re famous and you wanted someone to love you because you’re Nick and not because you’re Nick Jonas. but i feel like there was deeper meaning in that and i feel like you needed love as much as i do. me, Shaza.
i think that while i am struggling still with a new country and my heart is somewhere else and i am still trying to gather the tears from the ground that my younger sister treads on and i am working some to support my family which means little time for homework or sleep or even time to stop and look at my face in the mirror with it’s wise message, i just want to be a 15 year old girl who hugs her mother and kisses her father on the cheek before bed every night. a 15 year old girl who wakes up in the morning with a little hope for the day because she has three wonderful friends waiting for her at school because they wanted to make weekend plans. a 15 year old girl who might be lonely inside but finds healing because of the love of someone, anyone.
so yeah.
i am Shaza.
are you going to love me?
Jonas, Nick. „Who I Am” Who I Am. CD.